In one of my readings or videos on grief, I came across this line (I’m not sure where it is from):
“There is no ‘getting over’ your loss. There’s just getting accustomed to your new way of life.”
Oh my. How true.
I am no way “getting over” my loss. But I am good at pretending that I am.
And I do not think I am getting accustomed exactly, but I am not shocked any more by my barrage of feelings and sudden tears.
And there are many times when I go to say something to Rich, suddenly remembering he is not there any more.
I often listen to an audio of his voicemail to me a few days before his death and he is asking me to come see him at the hospital, not remembering I just left after being there all night and all day. It is the only time he ever called me from the hospital.
So I call him to tell him I am on my way. But he doesn’t answer the phone so I pack some things and rush out the door to get there before they lock the doors to visitors for the night. I get there just in time and get an overnight pass from the nurse. And I rush into his room and he is so happy to see me.
And all these memories make me cry and cry.
I am still waiting to get accustomed to my new way of life. I have good days and bad days. So I am thankful for the good ones. And the bad days remind me that we really had a great life and a great love.
But I miss him still. And I know I always will. It is not going to get easier.
There are some losses that never stop hurting.
There are some loves that never fade away.
Catholic Prayer Life 
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