Surrounded By Love

I have never liked saying goodbye. It has always been a problem for me, even when I knew I would see that person again.
I would visit my mother who lived several hundred miles away. Or she would visit me. And inevitably, I would start to dread the day we had to say goodbye. I had to work hard to not think about it and have that sadness ruin the moment. Even my sons knew that I was going to lose it. I would cry and cry.
When my mother died, it was devastating. I did not make it in time to say goodbye to her. My brother called me to tell me she had passed away and I had to hang up so I could cry.
I thank God everyday that I was able to say goodbye to my husband, that I could be with him in his final moments. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The hardest goodbye I ever had to say.
And yet, I did not cry. I don’t know why except maybe I just wanted him to know I would be ok. Or maybe I was in shock. Or maybe because I wanted to be strong for him or for all the kids. Or maybe for all of those reasons.
Instead, I waited until I was home alone and I sobbed until I ran out of tears. And then I cried some more the next day. And every single day since.
But, when I think of that day, I am so grateful that I was there. I am grateful that all his children were there. I am grateful that he died surrounded by family.
Surrounded by Love.

Tagged as: blog, family, love, reflections