I miss him.

I miss him everyday and every night. I still cry myself to sleep. Days seem lonely. Even when I am with others, I still feel lonely. Because no one knows how I feel. And I hesitate to share.

I have always been good at covering up my real feelings. Some of it is because I am an introvert and keep a lot to myself. Some of it is because I was sexually abused by my father as a child and I got good at pretending everything was okay.

I have always been a survivor. And I will survive this too.

I do not want to worry my children so I keep it all to myself. Except for blogging of course. That is why I started blogging again. So I am able to write what I need to write about. I am able to share what I am feeling and thinking. Get it off my chest, so to speak.

It helps. Writing has always helped me.

What also helps is I am a Christian. I know where my husband is. He is safe and blissfully happy, looking upon the face of God.

Save a place for me, hon.

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13 Responses »

  1. My dear Friend although I have not experienced the sorry you have, I know that the Lord will only send you what you can handle. He is with you always and will keep you in His loving care. Peace Barbara C.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Barbara. God bless you.


  3. My friend, I agree grief is the hardest emotion to endure. I also agree knowing that he is living in joy helps me too. I try to live in joy as our Savior would wants, but sometimes the aloneness is very trying. Remember you are in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Colleen, losing a husband is one of the hardest experiences you’ll ever have to go through. I lost Ben almost 19 years ago and I still miss him. It’s not the same as when he passed early on though. I can laugh and remember the good times we had now. Your children know how you feel, probably better than you know. I thought I was pretty good at protecting them but to this day, they have told me how I reacted that I never even realized. You know what? That’s ok. I wrote to Ben every night for two years afterwards. When I went back and read them, I saw myself grow through the grieving process. Colleen, be good to yourself. Grief is not a quick process or even a consistent process. Baby steps… 🙏❤️
    Love, Linda Hall

    Liked by 1 person

    • Linda, thank you so much. Your words really make me feel better. I know I feel a little better- sometimes. But then I slide back into that lonely place. Writing to Ben helped you? I may need to try that. Just writing this blog article helped. I have to write more for sure. Baby steps eh? I think I can do that. Thank you so much. God bless.


  5. Not a day goes by that Frank isn’t with me, maybe I can’t see him but I can feel him, I know he was with my Daughter and I as we huddled in fear during the Hurricane. He hears my frustrations, shares my joys. He is not gone from me and somehow let’s me know I can do this.
    God has given me these days, I am well, and live in comfort, I am blessed. I know Frank is at peace with God and his family, and someday I will join him.
    Rich is with you, you will feel him with you, you will, I know.
    God Blessings on you and your Family,


  6. From one Colleen to another: I am praying for you. God will take care of you. You know that, and now Rich is looking down on you and praying for you, too! Lots of love! ❤️


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